My Thoughts on “Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People” by Reni Eddo - Lodge

It’s hard sometimes to talk about race. I am a 33 year old African American woman, who while privileged in some ways, also knows the limitations put on me because of my race. My race was no choice of my own but my race and my gender combined can be used against me in a way that sometimes no one other than an African American woman might be able to understand. So when I heard about Reni Eddo - Lodge’s “Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People about Race” I felt like at this moment in time I needed to read this book. I needed to read the experiences of another woman of color; and one who lives across the pond. Lodge uses this book to address everything from the history of migration and the slave trade to feminism and class. She even discusses entertainment; highlighting the casting of Norma Dumezweni as Hermonie in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child.
I came to this book expecting to learn that racism wasn’t as bad across the pond as it often seems in the States. However, I walked away believing that it may actually be worse. If you think people are tone deaf here at home you need to read this book. Some of what I read really shocked me. Of course, I understand that these are Lodge’s opinions, her perceptions. But in there is a nugget of the truth and that makes it all the worse. As I read the book I thought about how as a twenty something I internalized my race and I a kindred spirit in Lodge. I felt like I understood why she wanted to just stop talking about race; the logic for me made sense because some of my experiences had been the same. Particularly when it came to feminism.
Lodge addresses the topic of feminism in a very eyes wide open sort of way. She talks about how she feels feminism ignores and sidelines women of color. She talks about how even white feminist can fail to check their privilege and how that can lead to their refusal to understand problems that directly effect women of color. Or how this privilege leads to something even more troublesome; the white feminist belief that all women are on the same level. The latter is one that I feel like I have to explain over and over again in some of my conversations. Unlike Lodge, I do (and she actually still does) talk about race with white people; however, I have stopped talking about feminism with white women. After the 2016 election and the women’s march I decided to only speak about feminist topics in safe spaces. Lodge reminded me in her book that this attitude is not useful. And that my voice is needed the most because silence is desired and expected. Lodges book is a road map to understanding and an example on how and how not to have conversations on controversial topics.

I would recommend “Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People about Race” to anyone that feels ready to give up on the conversations that matter. As well as to anyone that needs some fresh perspective. I gave it 5/5 stars on goodreads.

Here are some of the quotes that resonated with me:

The Real meaning of T.H.U.G. Life: The BB reviews The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

During the course of the past few years we have at times been made aware of the deaths of unarmed people of color at the hand of law enforcement. These incidents are nothing new however, but in the 21st century everyone has access to video cameras so these incidents can be lived streamed for all of us to see. These deaths often lead to protests and sometimes even to riots (Think Freddie Grey and Michael Brown). But most of all these incidents leave people of color asking “Does my life matter” and “How would the media portray me if this was Me?”. As an person of color I can definitely say that also every incident seems personal and invokes a level of fear and weariness I have never experienced before. So when I found out that book about a police killing of an unarmed black youth was coming out I was excited but also very skeptical.
It was exciting to see a debut author (and a woman of color) taking on the topic. I felt that Angie Thomas was going to being a realness to the subject matter that may be missed if anyone else had attempted to write the narrative. I was skeptical about the book because I believed whole heartedly that a lot of the story would seem muddy, watered down and most of all ring false. I was afraid that the story would come off to clean and with no bite or sharp edges. I was pleasantly surprised to see that that didn't occur at all. What I discovered in the pages of The Hate U Give was a book that should immediately be thrust into the hands of every person I meet with a post note reading “READ ME IMMEDIATELY”. Thomas wrote something special - and something that fits our times.
The Hate U Give follows the experience of Starr Carter, an African American teen in California, shortly before and after she witnesses the shooting death of her best friend Khalil. What occurs from there is Starr’s need to reconcile the two sides of her life. The side that attends a predominantly white private school and dates a Caucasian boy. And the young woman with natural hair growing up in the hood in LA. A lot of this leads to conflict among Starr and one of her “friends” - she realizes all to quickly that her black identity is only okay at home and not okay with this one friend. Starr watches as her best friend from home is dragged through the mud - both by the media and by her classmates (none of which no him). At one point in the book some of Starr’s classmates stage a school wide walk out in honor of Khalil; but its later found out that they only did it so they could skip class. Starr then begins to notice she has let little things slide to get along with her one friend and so that she doesn't rock the boat. She ignores racially insensitive comments or jokes. She just does not allow it to stick to her. When Starr finally erupts no one is expecting it - to her friends she has become the “angry black girl”.
What I found so amazing about this book is that I have been exactly where Starr is. I know what its like to feel at war with myself over these issues especially in the classroom and with friends. I had a profound moment of clarity with a friend after the death of Michael Brown. Our discussion was going well until she started the victim blaming. Accusing him of being the aggressor etc etc. I literally had to stop the conversation and at one point told her that if she kept talking I would say something I couldn't take back. Since then our “friendship” has been different. Also, I know what its like to be made to feel like an outcast in my own community because of certain cultural things I enjoy that are not necessarily considered “black”. Much of Starr’s journey to self discovery I have been down as well. Thomas made Starr extremely relatable.
One thing I found interesting about the book was the title. At first I didn't understand what The Hate U Give had to do with a police shooting until I read that it was a play on the Term T.H.U.G. Life; which was coined by the late hip hop artist (and prolific writer) Tupac Shakur. Once the term was explained in the book I had and aha moment. It made a hell of a lot of sense - and reminded me that hate and bias are a never ending cycle. If we teach it to the young they may never be rid of it - the cycle just keeps going and everyone is screwed. Shakur wrote a metaphor for life (that is multifaceted) that is true not only within the hip hop culture but outside of it as well. The Hate U Give is indeed a book I will be discussing for years to come. I really can not wait to see what Thomas does next. And I am looking forward to the movie adaptation of the book that is being filmed as a type this. I gave The Hate U Give 5/5 stars on goodreads.com.

Quotes that I loved: